Victim No More…Enough is Enough by Jinky Rodriquez « Single Mothers Outreach

“There’ve been times in my life. I’m tired and I wanna give up. I’ve been wondering why. Why is the world getting so crazy? Still, somehow I believe. I’ve come too far to die now. I always survive.” Kirk Franklin, “Declaration”

38-year old Yolanda is suffocating in her romantic relationship: She feels so small with her man, Sancho, a burly man in his early 40’s. There is not a day in their 10 years of marriage that he is not mean to her. They had two children and she is a stay home mom. Being in this state, she just finds comfort in her kids–studious students in a public school in the Valley. Still, the problems in her relationship with Sancho are overwhelming. Sancho was a serial philanderer and in trying to compensate with his “sins”, he asks her incessantly about her whereabouts and who she is dealing with. She finds these investigations insane and yet, she can’t do anything about it because she is tied to him financially. “I can’t complain. He is a good provider but that’s what he expects me to do: He wants me to be faithful .I don’t mind his interrogations. I can keep a blind eye to his shenanigans. Anyway, at my age no one will take care of me the way he is. It’s not all that bad. “

Brenda was dating this man for more than three months. They had a whirlwind courtship and she was hooked. He was not unlike any man she had been before: He was a take charge kind of man, thickly built, intelligent, opinionated and passionate in what he does and says. She loved that about him. At first, he was affectionate with her in public and she would bask in this. In turn, she was demonstrative of her affections too and she felt they had what it takes to make it. Because of this possibility, she comfortable drenched herself in a self-inflicted pseudo-bliss. Then after spending more time together that he began to criticize her accent, time spent with her friends and what she confides in her girls about. She would turn try to please him by asking what’s wrong, doing some chores for him and helping him out in his business. Deep insecurities started to reveal themselves, as he started to drop hints t “I can choose any woman I want. There are women crazy over me . You should feel fortunate that I chose you.” These declarations made her feel uncomfortable. In fact, it made her self-esteem sink… as if he was a demi-god and she was lucky to bask in his love. Overtime, his criticism grew worse and so is his drinking. He started to work late nights, saying it was necessary for his job. She felt restless: She wanted him home and to spend time with him. By the time he got home, he was drunk and although he would spend time with her, he would complain that “it’s late”. She was starting to feel bad and thus began a flow of insecurities. He started to accuse her of many things she didn’t do, and pounced on her every mistake. He wanted to make sure she felt bad about it. Kicking her out unexpectedly to indulge in a case of beer was becoming a devastating trend. Her friends told her to get out but she wanted to believe in that budding romance…she wanted to believe they could make it. Now, she felt her relationship is now a deadbolt: She wanted to leave but she felt maybe the best is yet to come. She is now living with him and doesn’t want to give it up. “It’s going to be better. He will come around”. She is now putting up with his mental and verbal abuse, excusing it as just “venting”. Nothing personal, she surmised.

Amanda was raised in an abusive home: Her parents fought all the time and she was physically and mentally abused by both parents. Refusing to take anymore from both of them, she ran away from home and settled down with a guy who was in a gang. When she was initiated there, she felt happy because she felt a sense of power for the first time. It was a false joy because she ended up repeating the cycle; being an abuser and physically badgering her victims. She ended up living with her gang boyfriend and got pregnant. During her pregnancy, she threatened her often and if she didn’t comply, he would hit her physically. Remember, she has a sense of “power” now…so she would hit him back in retaliation. On her fifth month of pregnancy, she lost her child. When confronted by her friends, she said that she slipped and fell from the stairs. Her friends were baffled, probably suspicious, but didn’t say anything: Isn’t it her boyfriend taking care of her needs? Why does she have those bruises? They shrugged it off. Maybe she really is just clumsy.

According to Haven Hills,The largest Domestic Violence Center in the valley as reported in their 2008 Annual Report, Crisis Line received 2,295 calls and admitted in their 30-Day Crisis Shelter 85 women and 176 children. Their DART Program, LAPD-Volunteer Taskforce that grant battered women and children immediate legal, medical and shelter options have DART — 317 adults and 480 children. Their crisis line receives a 1,000 calls a month.

According to the U.S. Department of Justice, between 1998 and 2002:

• Of the almost 3.5 million violent crimes committed against family members,

49% of these were crimes against spouses.

• 84% of spouse abuse victims were female, and 86% of victims of dating

partner abuse were female.

• Males were 83% of spouse murderers and 75% of dating partner murderers

• 50% of offenders in state prison for spousal abuse had killed their victims.

Wives were more likely than husbands to be killed by their spouses: wives

were about half of all spouses in the population in 2002, but 81% of all

persons killed by their spouse.

According to a 2000 study which interviewed the former and current

partners of male batterers referred to batterer programs by the court:

• 41% of participants reported that the men committed a re-assault during the

30-month follow-up period.

• Nearly 2/3 of the first time re-assaults occurred in the first 6 months.

• About 20 percent of the men repeatedly re-assaulted their partners and

account for most of the reported injuries.

Reports indicate some 86% of the women who received a protection order state the

abuse either stopped or was greatly reduced.

In a study of 724 adolescent mothers between the ages of 12-18, one of every eight

pregnant adolescents reported having been physically assaulted by the father of her

baby during the preceding 12 months. Of these, 40 percent also reported experiencing

violence at the hands of a family member or relative.

Fifty to eighty percent of teens report knowing someone involved in a violent relationship.

Battered women are not the only victims of abuse — it is estimated that anywhere

between 3.3 million and 10 million children witness domestic violence annually. Research

demonstrates that exposure to violence can have serious negative effects on children’s

development.

When Love Goes Wrong…Part One

When Love Goes Wrong…Part One March 4, 2010
Filed under: News — singlemothersoutreach @ 10:39 am

I Had To Say No…
a personal experience by Jinky Rodriquez


I had to say “no” when I realized I was in a wrong relationship. It is not fair to keep holding on to someone and waste each others energy and time. This person deserves happiness. I do not want to lead someone on when they deserve more.

I had to say “no” when I knew that the relationship was immoral. It can’t last. I deserve more than this. I am worth more than what he is offering. I had to walk out of his life forever because it makes a statement that I am a woman of honor. I may have fallen but I can stand up and say: I had renewal of mind, heart and spirit. Now that I have that, you’re no good for me. I have to let you go.

I had to say “no” to a verbally abusive relationship. I don’t want to end up thinking lowly of myself because of what this man says. I refuse to be used by this self-centered man who does nothing but complain and say terrible things about me and other people. He claims he helps people and when he does, it is because there is something there for him to benefit. Whatever he was after in me, I had to say “no”. I feel sick to my stomach when I don’t stand up for myself. That is how I knewthat this relationship and my decision to make a life with him was wrong. It brought me no peace and I knew I had to rectify it.

I thought helping him attain his goals would make him see how much I loved him. He knew how far would go and for that, he took me for granted. I had to put up with his mantra, “I will never change:” I thought I could persuade him to see it my way but he refused to budge. I realized that no matter how much I wanted it to work, I had to let it go—the privileges I had with him, our potential for more, our business and personal association. What’s the use of those when he treats you as less than, Jinky? I was not comfortable with him anymore. He robbed me of happiness, positive energy and peace of mind. No, I will not put up with that. I had to do the inevitable: Cut ties with him—completely.

I said “no” in these instances because “no” is “yes” : to my peace of mind. “Yes”, is respecting myself. “Yes” is for the better welfare of my child. “Yes” means trusting you have made the best decision you have ever made for yourself: Say “Yes” to choosing to be alone, yet contently happy. What’s the use of having a partner but and still being lonely? Definitely, a “NO” on my list.

Don’t make yourself mentally sick with people who are definitely not going to make you happy.
These types are not worth your time, energy, respect and definitely, your heart.

Profit with CalKids

Right On The Money: Saving Baby Stuff With California Kids Consignment
by Jinky Rodriguez

Theresa Stauffer has something to smile about: As the Organizer of the California Kids Consignment, she has contributed a lot in helping lower the cost of having and raising kids.

Being a teacher and mom, she knows the value of saving money in these times of pinching pennies. We sat down to discuss some interesting trivia about one of the anticipated events in our community.



Jinky Rodriguez (JR): So tell me how did you start having ideas about having a consignment in SCV?

Theresa Stauffer (TS): I first learned of the concept while visiting Kirk’s family in Pennsylvania around Christmas of 2007. My sister in law was getting her kids items ready for a kids consignment sale and I was enthusiastic with the idea that I could sell my own kids stuff without having to hold a yard sale or haggle with buyers. 3 days, one marketplace, everything you need for the upcoming season. I was so thrilled to bring this idea back to the West Coast that in January of 2008 we started organizing and planning. We held our 1st Consignment that May with 70 consignors and have grown since then. It was a blast and a huge success. We have ever since then offered this event twice a year. One for the Spring/Summer and another for the Fall/ Winter Sale.

JR: After doing this for the 5th time, what are the joys of setting up a consignment sale? What are the benefits to its sellers (consignors)?

TS: I have met a lot of great people along the way. A lot of moms and dads, grandparents, willing to give their extra time to volunteer with setting up the venue and the merchandising the sales floor. The benefits for volunteering is that they get to shop before the public at our private sale. They get first dibs on the goods.

The benefits for consigning are they get more value for their kids’ items than having their own garage sale. I had mine a few years back and remembered selling almost new brand name clothes and toys for nothing. The yard sale hunters would haggle me for ridiculous prices. The consignor has an opportunity to sell their items for the price they want. There is no haggling. Once the sale is over, we keep 35% of the proceeds of her sale and they keep the rest to use for whatever purpose they might have for it: Probably pay bills or buy her child more age-appropriate items.

Also selling at the consignment sale gives the seller an opportunity to donate her stuff if she decide not to take it back with her after the sale is over. We have partnered with Single Mother’s Outreach last season and we have donated 13 bags for them—items that were not collected by owners. We have provided relief for moms who might not afford these necessities. It’s all good.

JR: I myself have been a consignor before and let me tell you that the profits from such sale helps a lot for any struggling parent in these times. Tell me what are your challenges so far in having this event?

TS: We have 150 consignors so far and that’s great…But we wanted to accomodate more people to come in and sell next time around. We’ve closed our registration and a lot of people still inquire if we have a store or we accept resellers. The biggest challenge is looking for a bigger venue next time.

JR: Yeah, that would be awesome if you do because a lot of moms realize that this is a great idea of saving and spending money for their kids. Any tips for buyers and sellers out there?

TS: For the buyer, we inspect items at check in, but occasionally something may make it in that shouldn’t, like a stained item, and item that is too worn. It’s important for buyers to inspect what they plan to purchase because all sales are final. Also, it’s packed with wall to wall bargains, so space is limited and strollers will be hard to push around. If you can find a babysitter for your little ones, that is best, but if you can’t maybe you can bring a friend to help watch them while you shop. We accept credit cards and cash so be ready to spend and save at the same time.

For the seller: Always makes sure the items you sell are reasonably priced so you can have a quick sale. We have a seller whose item is incredibly beautiful but the price was so steep that other buyers just always inquire but ending up not buying it. We have a price chart in our site to see if your items are reasonably priced. This is just a guideline. Make sure that the item is also safe to use for kids. We are strict not to accept old, worn and especially, recalled items. Make sure its passed CPC guidelines.

JR: You need volunteers, right?

TS: Yes, Volunteers are still needed for various shifts. As a volunteer, they can have discounts and an opportunity to buy in our private sale. The volunteers will definitely get value for their money, for sure! —JR

California Kids Consignment is on Facebook.

Go to www. Calkidsconsignment.com for more details.

If you would like to contact Theresa Stauffer, email her at CalkidsTheresa@aol.com

Welcome!

Being a believer of counting your blessings, I adhere to do this everyday. I hope you will find the articles and the multi-media entertaining. I've always loved to write since I was 15: When my English professor, Ms. Santos would let us read the Diary of Anne Frank. I would procrastinate due to the fact, it looks like the picture of that young girl is gloomy. Not really something of a plus for me to read this auto-biography.

But lo and behold! Once I started to read the journal of this adolescent set on World War II and concentration camps, I become sucked in her world. I unite with her in spirit as she fell in love with a neighborhood boy, her daily duties helping the family out and finally, when she is starting to get sick. You can't help but feel a sense of wistful sadness as she passed away a few days short before her native country was freed of the Nazis. Her notations became our window to a historic era and ultimately, to her heart and undying spirit.

From the moment I dropped the book, more novels, interviews and a lot of articles throughout the years, I was able to learn to write with guiless skill. I feel it is a gift with a purpose: To share
through my experiences with others, nuggets of wisdom and inspiration.

I hope you will love the articles you'll be reading as such as I have enjoyed creating them. Let the mouse and tapping of the keyboards begin!